You Can Read It, But You're Not Going To Like It (Part 1)

It has often been said that what is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right. I have consistently been neither popular nor right for the better part of twenty-seven years now, which is a fact that I am enormously proud of. So be prepared to call me a jackass as I'm getting ready to go off on Hate Crime laws, which tend to be pretty well-received among your standard non-bigoted individuals, a category in which I include myself. On the plus side, the racists and homophobes are going to think I'm brilliant, so I can count on many an invitation to parties populated with nothing but straight white people, which considerably increases my chances of not being the worst dancer in the room.

First off, let me stock up brownie points that I'm likely to need later by saying that I unequivocally support gay marriage. Why? Because I believe in equal rights. This is not to say that I believe in equality, because I don't. I believe it is the responsibility of our government to make sure that we all have the same rights under the law, but I also think we have to be careful not to push the politically correct bullshit too far. For example, a blind man should be guaranteed the right to get married, to collect unemployment, to have full access to all public facilities, to receive help from the police or fire department in an emergency, etc. If, however, I'm organizing a softball team, I shouldn't have to worry about a discrimination suit if I fail to invite the blind guy to join the team. Cause here's the thing: People who can't see make really shitty softball players. I wish it wasn't the case, but it is. Honest to God, you'd probably be more successful if you just put a bucket out in right field because at least a bucket won't end up facing the wrong direction. And I don't want to hear any of that bullshit about how the loss of one sense heightens the others because it doesn't heighten them enough to play softball. Period. Never in the history of mankind has a blind man stood at home plate and thought:

"That ball sounds like it's a 65 mile an hour change up heading for the lower inside corner. Jackpot! Here comes a round-tripper, baby!"

No. Does not happen. Most likely he'd be thinking:

"Hmm. I sure hope a small spherical object that may or may not be headed in this direction doesn't collide with my head in an incredibly forceful manner. How the fuck did I let these politically correct jerk-offs talk me into playing softball?"

TO BE CONTINUED...